it doesn't happen all at once. it takes a very long time. generally by the time you are REAL most of your hair has been loved off and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. but those things don't matter, because once you are real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
the velveteen rabbit
shoddy internet, travels, and unpacking have all come between me and this blogging habit in the past few weeks, but really i've just been putting it off because all i have to talk about now is the end of the most influential four months of my life. and frankly i'd rather be in denial than talk about my feelings. but if you've been reading up to this point, then you're the people i want to share this with anyways.
in the beginning, rome was far from my favorite city and temple was even farther from my perfect program. too big, too artsy, too whatever. february and march taught me that some things are simply bigger than myself, and despite my ocd i will never have power over other people's choices, my depression, or basically anything else in life...although dammit i tried. all that being said, what the last three weeks of my program gave my will always be cherished and were well worth the wait. tel aviv gave me confidence if not more questions, a box of jujyfruits gave me my old self back (thanks mama), brussels and daylonging reminded me to be carefree, skydiving gave me a bond with friends no one can explain, as well as a challenge to always remember, and my last week or so helped me recognize a love of rome and temple i never thought i'd have. it's a funny feeling. i want to cry but my body won't let me, i want to be back at penn state catching up with all my best friends on everything i missed, while at the same time roaming the streets of trastevere with the people i never want to say goodbye to.
my time over the last semester wasn't always pretty or easy to understand, but if nothing else i gained the ability to start fresh. i could go to italy and be whoever i wanted to be, and so i decided to be myself- the good and the bad (sorry to my three roommates and to joe and d'ante, the unofficial members of room 62, as well as anyone else who was lucky enough to be the target of my snarky comments). and sure there's something to be said for not alienating people by acting like a bossy bitch all the time, but it's refreshing to know that the people surrounding you are there because they want to be and because they genuinely appreciate some aspect of who you are as a person. and so as i struggle to bring balance back into my upside-down life yet again, i'll just try to think of that from time to time.
...
a million thanks to everyone who followed along throughout the semester. your feedback, support, and presence are all greatly appreciated, especially since this puppy is the internet equivalent of me reading my journal out loud to a room full of whoever felt like stopping by. but no worries, when it got tricky i just pictured you all naked and went about my business as usual.
depending on how my schedule looks this summer, i'll be adding some nyc adventures so check back when you've filled your facebook stalking quota/perez hasn't updated in a while/gilt groupe is only selling ugly last-season anna sui.
in the beginning, rome was far from my favorite city and temple was even farther from my perfect program. too big, too artsy, too whatever. february and march taught me that some things are simply bigger than myself, and despite my ocd i will never have power over other people's choices, my depression, or basically anything else in life...although dammit i tried. all that being said, what the last three weeks of my program gave my will always be cherished and were well worth the wait. tel aviv gave me confidence if not more questions, a box of jujyfruits gave me my old self back (thanks mama), brussels and daylonging reminded me to be carefree, skydiving gave me a bond with friends no one can explain, as well as a challenge to always remember, and my last week or so helped me recognize a love of rome and temple i never thought i'd have. it's a funny feeling. i want to cry but my body won't let me, i want to be back at penn state catching up with all my best friends on everything i missed, while at the same time roaming the streets of trastevere with the people i never want to say goodbye to.
a million thanks to everyone who followed along throughout the semester. your feedback, support, and presence are all greatly appreciated, especially since this puppy is the internet equivalent of me reading my journal out loud to a room full of whoever felt like stopping by. but no worries, when it got tricky i just pictured you all naked and went about my business as usual.
depending on how my schedule looks this summer, i'll be adding some nyc adventures so check back when you've filled your facebook stalking quota/perez hasn't updated in a while/gilt groupe is only selling ugly last-season anna sui.
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